Hey Dad! I bet the weather up there is much nicer than it is down here. I was sure you had struck a deal with God over the nice weather, as since you left us we have had wall to wall sunshine. Alas, it is no more!
I'm off to see Aunty J tonight with the MR and the boys and Sunday Uncle J, and the gang are coming down. It's funny how when you were alive I relied on you to be the contact with the rest of the family and tell me anything that was going on. I didn't realise until you were in ITU just how much I took it for granted, and most of the time didn't realise I was doing it. So now me and the MR have decided to make the effort to stay in touch with the family more. They are struggling to cope with you leaving just as much as me, so we all need each other right?
I managed three days in work this week but yesterday the dreaded pains returned and so today I am working from home. There is lots of great stuff coming up in the business and it helps but it doesn't stop the pain of losing you. Last night I balled my eyes out for about 5 minutes, I had the MR there with me, but sometimes this agonising stabbing pain just overwhelms me and I have to just let it out. I know you had run your race and I am so proud that you graduated so soon, but I miss you so much. I want to pick up the phone and find you answering it, I'm still waiting to hear that stupid car engine as you make you way up the street. Everything around me tells me your gone and yet I still want you to pop up somewhere and tell me this was all a dreadful mistake.
Life will never be the same again, not without you! but I am trying to appreciate what I have more and I will do my best, once this season is over, to live each day to the full. People say that you never get over losing a loved one, you just learn to live with the loss. Well I am living Dad, living and breathing! I am able to laugh and cry, smile and frown, be happy and sad but most of all I'm glad to have known you this long x
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