That's a big word hey Dad? I had to look it up to understand it, but thankfully when you tap the word on the kindle (it's an electronic book reading device) it gives the definition.
People think that because I am not talking out loud about my feelings that I am in someway not grieving. Thing is Dad, I am opening up to those I feel safe to be vulnerable with, does that make sense? I am fragile right now (I may not look it to most). One wrong word and I think I may possibly shatter into a thousand pieces.
My new work colleagues have been amazing! Maybe they are not close enough to me to know me yet and so opening up to them is easier? I talk to the MR all the time but don't want to keep dragging over the same things with him, cos he's grieving too! I talk to the boys about you all the time, you are in almost every conversation.
Shar T has come up with a new strategy for carrying out church stuff it's called "pod's way" which simply means see a need, help that need out and keep doing what your asked to do without moaning, complaining or giving up your commitment. I know you'd shrug it off, but it's not just me who sees you this way.
JP's other half misses you terribly and wishes you could come back! I wish that too but if you didn't come back that Sunday night, I knew you never would! And that's OK. I know the reasons why and I accept them. I just miss you sooooo much that I wish, really wish that for one minute (only one) that you could come back and just give me a hug and say it's all gonna be OK.
I'm sharing my grief with those who read this so here's hoping that it will become less intense, to reduce in amount and to become smaller. How that happens I do not know but this is where it starts.
xx
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