I AM actually grieving

Hey Dad, I started to really worry that I wasn't getting to grips with you passing. I was trying to fill my days with doing, and feeling angry all the time. I started to get frustrated and hurt that other people had seemed to be moving on from you dying but for me life has stood still. I felt guilty that I it was like life had lost its meaning for me, even tho I still have the MR, the boys and some wonderful friends.

So you know me, I am proactive in getting everything sorted out and so rather than "talk" to someone about where I was at and how I am feeling, I decided to read some books on grief. I started with this book, as it came highly recommended on the Internet, with lots of great reviews from people going through what I am going through, and you know what Dad.... it has really helped. I have cried through every page up to now but that's a good thing right?

I have gained the reassurance that I am grieving!  By experiencing all of the above stuff I mentioned, I have in fact been grieving. This is grief! Wow what a relief that I am going through the process.

The book is showing me that I need to work through everything my own way and that there is no right or wrong during this time, and that time is not a healer but just the longer you live with it the more you become aware of the reality.

The book is making me think up every detail of you getting sick, not recovering, your passing and the aftermath and Dad I am ready to start dealing with it, I really am!  I know you'd tell me to get on with it, and not to miss you as much as I do, but it's hard when you a Dad who was a legend! You have been a massive part of my life and your missed every hour not just every day!

Love you Dad x